community is the main curriculum for early childhood, and life really

Building Community as Early Childhood's Main Curriculum: How We Learned Through Play and Connection (Ages 5-9)

There is a fundamental difference between a group getting together to build a skill and a group gathering to build community. The easiest way to know the difference is to analyze how much money it costs to attend the gathering. Building a strong and connected community, even if it isn't large, is a fundamental need that will serve as a foundation for how our children learn, connect, and become "independent" throughout their lives.

Before Holden was born, I knew that community would be our main focus in early childhood education. This understanding stemmed from my experience with my daughter, whom I felt I "lost" to the public school system for most of her early childhood because I failed to build a homeschooling community. When given the choice, Sedona chose public school—not because homeschooling was wrong for her, but because I hadn't built a community that could compete with what school offered socially. I allowed my children to choose their own education paths. To make their own mistakes, I never force any "learning", only household chores are mandatory :). Sedona chose public school for one clear reason: friends. She needed consistent peer connection, and I hadn't built that for her at home. With Holden, I knew exactly where to focus: community first, academics second. I knew exactly where to focus to ensure Holden would choose to stay home (with me :) and learn to trust the freedom I wanted him to experience. What I didn't know at first was that "socializing" is the curriculum, not just the hook.

All humans need community; however, children, especially those aged 5 to 9, crave connection and social interaction with other multi-aged children. I started out thinking socialization was important, but soon realized my priority would be on community building. I already knew, from my research, that play and child-led learning lead to deeper academic success than traditional instruction in these early years. The focus on community and deep, meaningful connection naturally developed from there.

I raise my children based on scientific research and a fundamental trust in their nature. Not that human nature is naturally good or bad, but that it fundamentally has a drive to learn. Fish swim, birds fly, humans learn...I thought. However, what I learned was that humans connect, and through that connection, all "success" happens. This philosophy emerged from hundreds of hours studying what experts say about how humans learn, as well as my personal experience with Sedona, who was 14 when Holden was born. Children thrive in a community setting; it provides the motivation, stimulation, and drive that help our brains develop in ways isolation cannot. I recognized that forcing Holden into a conventional academic structure could risk disrupting something truly beautiful.

This philosophy emerged from hundreds of hours studying what experts say about how humans learn, as well as my personal experience with Sedona, who was 14 when Holden was born. Children thrive in a community setting; it provides the motivation, stimulation, and drive that help our brains develop in ways isolation cannot. I recognized that forcing Holden into a conventional academic structure could risk disrupting something truly beautiful.

Through community, Holden gained the skills that would form his foundation for everything that followed. Not academic skills, human skills. If we really examine our history, we see that human survival and thriving are within the community. Knowing how to function and be part of a community is a vital skill we are all losing.

What Children and Adults Gain When Learning in Community

• Collaboration

• Conflict resolution

• Negotiation

• Compromise

• Social networking

• Friendship building and maintenance

• Leadership

• Followership (knowing when NOT to lead)

• Following your own interests even when they diverge from the group

• Belonging

• Confidence

• Self-advocacy

• Advocating for others

• Empathy

• Compassion

• Patience

• Flexibility

• Adaptability

• Resilience

• Emotional regulation

• Reading social cues

• Reading body language

• Understanding tone of voice

• Active listening

• Clear communication

• Public speaking

• Storytelling

• Humor (what's funny vs. what's mean)

• Sharing resources

• Taking turns

• Asking for help

• Offering help

• Celebrating others' successes

• Handling disappointment

• Handling rejection

• Handling failure in front of others

• Repair after conflict

• Apologizing meaningfully

• Forgiving

• Setting boundaries

• Respecting boundaries

• Saying "no" and having it respected

• Hearing "no" without falling apart

• Group decision-making

• Democratic processes

• Consensus building

• Strategic thinking

• Problem-solving collaboratively

• Brainstorming

• Building on others' ideas ("yes, and...")

• Creative collaboration

• Trial and error in a safe environment

• Learning from others' mistakes

• Teaching what you know

• Learning from those younger and older

• Mentorship (giving and receiving)

• Responsibility to a group

• Cleaning up shared spaces

• Following group agreements

• Contributing to community maintenance

• Recognizing different roles in a group

• Understanding your own strengths

• Recognizing your own limitations

• Discovering hidden talents

• Seeing yourself reflected in others

• Identity formation

• Self-concept development

• Agency

• Autonomy within interdependence

• Understanding fairness (when people have different needs)

• Justice (standing up when something's wrong)

• Loyalty

• Honesty

• Integrity

• Kindness

• Generosity

• Inclusion (noticing who's left out and inviting them in)

• Exclusion awareness (recognizing when you're excluding someone)

• Privilege awareness (recognizing advantages you have)

• Perspective-taking (seeing things from another's viewpoint)

• Cultural exchange

• Learning from difference

• Respecting different ways of being

• Navigating disagreement without ending relationships

• Holding paradox (two things can be true at once)

• Nuance (not everything is black and white)

• Critical thinking in real-time

• Changing your mind when presented with new information

• Intellectual humility

• Admitting when you're wrong

• Asking good questions

• Curiosity about others' experiences

• Deep conversation skills

• Small talk skills

• Knowing when each is appropriate

• Reciprocity (give and take)

• Gratitude

• Appreciation for others' contributions

• Recognizing interdependence (we need each other)

• Trust building

• Vulnerability

• Showing up authentically

• Hiding when necessary (strategic self-protection)

• Risk assessment (physical and emotional)

• Courage (doing scary things with support)

• Joy in shared experience

• Collective celebration

• Shared grief and comfort

• Witnessing others' lives

• Being witnessed

• Feeling seen

• Feeling heard

• Feeling valued

• Mattering

• Purpose (your presence affects the group)

• Contribution (you have something to offer)

• Receiving (others have something to offer you)

• Ritual and rhythm

• Tradition building

• Creating culture together

• Shared language and inside jokes

• Collective memory

• History (we've been through things together)

• Continuity (seeing people over time)

• Watching others grow and change

• Being seen as you grow and change

• Second chances

• Grace (for yourself and others)

• Forgiveness for imperfection

• "Good enough" vs. perfection

• Learning to fail forward

• Celebrating small wins together

• Motivation through connection (I'll try because they believe in me)

• Accountability (gentle, not punitive)

• Following through on commitments

• Showing up even when you don't feel like it

• Being reliable

• Trusting others to be reliable

• Rest and play as part of learning

• Balance between work and joy

• Rhythm of effort and ease

• Understanding that humans are not machines

• Honoring body needs (hunger, bathroom, movement, rest)

• Recognizing signs of burnout in yourself and others

• Community care

• Mutual aid

• "We're better together than apart."

• Nobody has to do it alone

• Your struggles are not unique (someone else has felt this)

• Your joy multiplies when shared

• Meaning-making through connection

• Purpose beyond yourself

• Legacy (what you leave for those who come after)

• Intergenerational connection

• Learning from elders

• Teaching younger ones

• The long view (community exists beyond any one person)

I didn't teach these lessons; the community did. My role was merely to create the space, find guides, show up consistently, and trust the process. I gently guided adults in not intervening unless something was VERY unsafe, not just a fear of potential...but the difference from an Emergency Room visit needed, perspective. Allowing the children to hurt each other and then repair....this is hard.

How I did it: First, I picked a day and time; next, I picked a "hook" (swimming, art, legos, nature, etc.); then I would advertise on all the local FB sites and add anyone interested to a group fb message. I would then show up weekly to the "event". I will continue advertising until the group either fizzles out or I have enough people to be satisfied. I cannot even tell you how many different groups I formed, many "failed" and didn't last more than a month or so, but many went on for several months or even years.

Play as the Foundation for Academic Skills  

What I didn't do was traditional instruction: no phonics workbooks, no math drills, no assigned essays. Instead, I used play as a springboard for reading, writing, and math, trusting that skills would emerge when Holden was ready. Because we regularly met his need for community every week, he eagerly engaged in the academic skills children learn at these ages. Learning to read, learning to "write", number sense, science, history, and all the other subjects were learned by leaning into his interests and using the local library and blank notebooks to process what we learned as our curriculum. All the other subjects were driven entirely by his interests and my own as he watched me dive into space, the ocean, and history; he wanted to learn with me, for attention and for fun. But that's a story for another post. (See my blog on using the library to build interest-led unit studies.)